Question: What makes people with borderline personality disorder idealize someone else if they are already in a long-term relationship?
In my specific case, it depends on my current relationship status. If is going well, my focus is entirely on my partner and there are no chance for another person to catch my attention. It doesn’t matter how good-looking, interesting, charming, sociable they are. If I am satisfied with my current partner, my attention will not shift and I will be receptive to strictly nothing from the outside world.
However, if my current relationship is unsatisfying for some reason, I tend to shift my attention a bit more outside of my own bubble. But this depends on the reasons why the relationship is unsatisfying. If the root cause is a miscommunication in my relationship, my attention will be foccused on fixing it so I am not likely to be receptive. But if it is boredom (my main curse), usually I shift my attention towards friends and new people, so I become more open and receptive to new experiences. I am not looking for a new partner at this time, but I am more receptive to outside influences and this leaves a breach in my mind that an ill-intentioned person could use. Anyway in this case, I am not looking for a new partner and I do not want to cheat. So if someone would really want to catch my attention in this way, they will still need to put quite a huge effort over time to pierce my bubble, by making themselves likeable and exciting, and give me a lot of sweet, positive and undivided attention. I don’t think this would be a very nice thing to do though.
If a guy knows that I am in a relationship and I suspect his intentions, this is likely to scare me because I will perceive his behavior as unrespectful and unsafe. The only way this could work is that I am unsuspecting and I don’t notice the guy getting closer to me, so it needs to be quite subtle as well. All these conditions are quite difficult to meet because they are a bit contradictive, if it is too subtle I will not even notice the guy. But even if this work, why would anybody want to attract someone who is already in a relationship? This would make everybody miserable.
